Conversation Between God and Satan, On Suicides

(I’m extremely tired and can’t make it out to Indiana to see my sister. So this is the only way to pass the time before work.)

God and Satan met at a neutral location; a Starbucks coffee shop in Hollywood, California.

Satan: Damn this mocha-whatever shit is AWESOME….

Satan takes a sip of his drink.

Satan: What’s happening my n……

God is drinking Tazo brand green tea.

God: Please don’t use that language.

Satan: Whatever. Anyways dude, I need you to do something about these people who commit suicide. I mean they are like killing the vibe in Hell and shit. Our corners can only hold so many and I’m tired of listening to All American Rejects.

Satan shudders.

God: It is punishment for the life they have…

Satan interrupts before turning to face God.

Satan: Yeah, yeah the life they have taken, took, whatever is the past tense. But really aren’t they punished enough? Most of them have image issues, which to me is just ironic, you know with the whole created in god’s image crap. They have to sit in rooms with a know-it-all who ask the same questions over and over, why are you upset and shit. To top it off they are force fed medications that increase their level of depression.

God: I don’t know.

God pauses.

God: I really can’t make any exceptions.

Satan: You did it for the Japanese.

God: What can I say? I’m a fan of Nintendo.

Satan: Listen, buddy, I’ll keep the religious zealots who kill themselves in the name of God and shit.

God seems to ponder what to say next.

God: Okay. I’ll see what I can do.

Satan: That’s my man.

As God and Satan stand up and prepare to leave they embrace.

Satan: I’m not sure if these hugs ever make me feel comfortable.

God: Quit being a homophobe.

After the two disappear the scene jumps to a sign in front of the pearly gates. It reads, “Sign up for our Suicide Amnesty Program. Now until the end of July.”

8 Responses to “Conversation Between God and Satan, On Suicides”


  1. 1 annieepoetry March 12, 2009 at 11:35 pm

    you are a good writer -refreshing, murderous, and unique -especially to find in blog land

  2. 2 anonimust March 13, 2009 at 1:26 am

    thank you for the compliment

  3. 3 imaginaryfears March 15, 2009 at 1:59 am

    Nice, Lol…this was a funny read.

  4. 5 pinnythewu March 20, 2009 at 3:15 am

    I’d love to see this as a short film!

  5. 6 vive42 April 5, 2009 at 4:40 pm

    what can I say? I’m a fan of nintendo. LOL!

  6. 7 Ghasem yarah(MADI) June 17, 2010 at 4:20 am

    I DONT HAVE ALL THE ANSWER IN THIS WORLD MY SELF.
    BUT I HAVE ANSWER TO THIS PEOPLE SUICIDES IN THE NAME
    OF DIFREN RISEN AND COMING WORSE AND WORSE THERE IS MOVIE
    MOST COME TO STOP ALL THIS PROBLEM I HVE ANSWER IN THIS
    MOVIE ATT LIST FOR 90present in the world

  7. 8 marg May 16, 2011 at 10:19 pm

    wow just found this, love this post!


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